What is it like when a doctor says “you have cancer”? I can’t know what that is like for any other person, but I can know what that was like for me. My world instantly reeled. There is no other way to describe it, I felt shock. I could hear what was being said, only I was experiencing a combination of numbness and fear, words bounced around the room and I struggled to catch them and make meaning of them.
There was tingling and an impulse to run. I watched the scene from somewhat above myself. The doctor was pressing for a procedure on the spot, BI-RAD 5 they said, we are 95% sure you have cancer. I am sure those professionals were genuinely concerned about me, though they expressed it in demands and urging. They were frightened and projecting that fear onto me as they emphatically insisted that procedures on the spot were needed. I was Covid alone in that room with those professionals. I was plenty scared, I didn’t need any help with that.
I believe three things were instrumental in helping me in that moment. One, the experience of coaching so many of you to let your doctor know that you are here today for an evaluation and not to discuss treatment yet. Two, knowing I had a care team that I could trust, who knew me and would advise me well. I knew I wanted to discuss every idea and step with my care team before I made any decisions. And three, a fierce commitment to my own wellbeing. Without these, I’m not sure I could have kept my presence of mind and done so well at advocating for myself, at taking the time to research carefully every decision I might make about a procedure and consciously choose my way forward, not the one that they were attempting to choose for me.
The oncology departments are the most difficult places to say, “thank you, I’m gathering information so I can make an educated choice, I’ll let you know what I decide.” Doing anything but the standard of care in oncology labels you as a trouble maker, and it follows you in your record. This was one journey where my respectfully discerning spirit served me well. I cannot recommend strongly enough having a team of health care professionals who respect you and whose advice you trust BEFORE you think you need them. In the midst of a medical situation that has arisen is not a good time to be trying to piece together a team and wondering if they are actually a good fit for you.
“The experience of being diagnosed with cancer is a traumatic event,” my medical oncologist would later tell me when I said I wasn’t recovering at the rate I might have expected. The shock takes time and processing to recover from, in addition to the healing time from any treatments that might have been chosen. And the reality is, once you have had this experience, there is the very real possibility that you may hear this news again in the future. Even being in the same place again can bring the trauma rolling right back.
There are times in life when you recognize how very fortunate you are, and for me, this was one of them, well, not right away. First I freaked out and needed a ton of support, then I bemoaned to my practitioners that I had known so many ways to reduce my risk and I had utilized them. How could this be happening? There were many outreaches made, and many people who showed up in amazing ways. I am very fortunate indeed.
This is not something anyone should have to go through without support and resources. And the support and the resources are there if you know where to find them. One of the most fulfilling things I have done starting in 2021 and increasingly so in 2022 is to offer support and resources to those facing this situation.
One tool that anyone can use in circumstances like this is rescue remedy. I find it helpful to put a drop on the inner wrist and rub my inner wrists together when I am in a stressful situation.
Other remedies that can be helpful are Kali phosphoricum 6X cell salts which help to calm and regulate the nervous system, and if anxiety sets in regarding upcoming appointments or procedures, argentum nitricum or gelsemium 30C. Of course, it is always advisable to individualize the remedy to the specific symptoms presenting and you can find resources to do this online, in books, or you can consult a professional.
Integrative therapies have so much to offer those with a possible or definitive cancer diagnosis from the very get go, from the very moment of awareness that this may be or is happening. Adjunct therapies can help to mitigate side effects of conventional treatments and can be invaluable to an individualized plan that really offers the best of both worlds. Understanding the full range of possibilities for your plan before you begin and getting input along the way is highly recommended. If you or someone you know are here, there is help, there is hope, reach out and find professionals who are experienced and credentialed, preferably referred by someone you know and trust.